If I Were An NHL Player…

… you know what I would do?

At training camp, I would look for the most promising rookie and find out what jersey number he was going to take.  Then, when we pick our numbers, I would make sure to get in line ahead of him and pick that number.

That way, once I get cut from the team after a few months due to the fact I can’t even skate let alone play iced hockey, he would take back the number he originally wanted, and, many years later, when they retire his number after a long and glorious career, they would be retiring my number as well.


~ by Isaac Bickerstaff on April 7, 2010.

2 Responses to “If I Were An NHL Player…”

  1. I love this one. You should become a writer for Eric Russo

    • I actually applied for a job on Mr. Russo’s writing staff with the following letter (sent via Facebook):

      “Dear Eric,

      As my mind was wandering through various topics the other day, I happened upon a little nugget of comedy that I think you might be able to include in your repertoire of comedic stylings.

      See, I was thinking about the current MLB playoff situation, and it occurred to me that the California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Los Angeles, California stand a good chance of winning all the beans.

      Why, you may ask?

      Well, it is my learned opinion that the tragic death of rookie pitcher Nick Adenhart at the beginning of the season gives the California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Los Angeles, California an emotional drive to take the championship: they want to “win it for Nick”, so to speak.

      However, it seems to me that this is a rather backhanded way of paying tribute to a departed teammate. After all, wouldn’t a victory by the California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Los Angeles, California really emphasize that they did not at all need the pitching services of Mr. Adenhart to be a winning a team?

      Rather, one would think that a more fitting memorial for the sadly late rookie would be for the team to utterly implode and curl up into a sobbing fetal position, as this would demonstrate just how much the team depended on the third starter in their rotation.

      Also, did you know that, translated into English, the team’s name means “The Angels Angels”? Veritas!

      It was signed,

      Needless to say, I was not successful in my application.

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